yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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