It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
