Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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