ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
sarcasm needs its own font
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
