you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
