she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
