The best revenge is premature balding
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
