He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It's official drugs can't kill me
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
