So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Shame - the story of my life.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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