If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
