Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
