it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
