i can't believe i had my finger in that
false alarm. still invincible.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
