you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
