Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
