I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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