If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
