we have officially lost it.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
