so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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