we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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