you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
