Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
