yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My butt remains clenched, sir.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
