i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
