i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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