just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
