You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
