I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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