Buhtt sex?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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