The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize