i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
