I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
did i just pee glitter
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize