I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
