he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize