Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize