my vag is so smooth its legendary
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
