i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think your dad took our porno
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
