you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
