That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
