You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
