Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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