so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
