I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
