So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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