i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
