im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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