she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
