I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize