So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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