I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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