I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
