he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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