just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
