I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
we're so committed to being not committed
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
