So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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