At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
