I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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