if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
