i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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