i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
