ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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