She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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