Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you made out with another girl for some wings
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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