How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize