so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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