I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
tell your sister to shave her snatch
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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