I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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