We named our party play list daddy issues
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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