brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
