I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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