Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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