He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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