dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize