Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
