He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
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