I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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