He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
