I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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